Obsession
by Lou2U
Summary: Sirius puts up with it because they're best friends. Have been for years. Sirius puts up with it because he's the first person who looked past his surname and all the stigma associated with it even though he's the one who would have heard the most. He's seen Sirius cry, shout, laugh, lie and frown, and for all these reasons, Sirius puts up with it.


**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters. Please do not sue me; I need to save money for things I will probably never own.**

~#~

Sirius puts up with it because they're best friends. Have been for years. Sirius puts up with it because he's the first person who looked past his surname and all the stigma associated with it even though he's the one who would have heard the most. He's seen Sirius cry, shout, laugh, lie and frown, and for all these reasons, Sirius puts up with it.

But _really_.

There is a fine line between love and hate and Evans is on the wrong side of it. (Although according to his family, she's on the right side, because only blood traitors would love a mudblood).

She hasn't even done anything _wrong_.

(But to his family, she's done everything wrong, mainly because she exists).

Sirius knows Evans is pretty. He sees her long red hair, her green eyes, and absently wonders why she hides it away.

Sirius knows Evans is clever. He sees her hand go up in every lesson they share.

Sirius thinks (like every other hormonal teenage boy) that Evans is sexy.

He only thinks it though. If James ever found out (Merlin forbid), he'd have one less friend to buy for at Christmas. But when he sees the creamy skin of her neck on the rare days she ties her hair back, when he sees her hips sway from side to side as she walks, when she wears socks and her legs are revealed, he knows-

Sirius thinks.

(But one of the few downsides to being a wizard is that Sirius suspects his mother of being highly skilled at Occlumency, and in a household where mudbloods are only thought of when they've been murdered, preferably by a family member, not thinking about her is necessary).

James isn't good at Occlumency – in fact, Sirius would be surprised if he'd ever even heard of it – or at talking to Lily in any which resembles civil, so Sirius has to listen to him love and lament.

"_Lily smiled at me today, Padfoot!"_

Yes James. She does smile.

When she catches someone looking at her through her curtain of hair, when she gets an answer right in class, when she knows every hormonal teenage boy are licking their lips and staring at her-

"_Lily smiled at me today, Padfoot!"_

"_Did she? I think you're making progress, mate!"_

James will never have to worry though. Not about Sirius.

There is a fine line between love and hate and Evans is on the wrong side of it.

Because every time her hips sway, every time she smiles at James, every time he's aware she exists, she crosses further into hate.

She hasn't even done anything wrong.

Sirius doesn't fancy her.

Not Lily Evans.

He admires her.

There is a fine line between admiration and declaration. (Not that he'll ever admit it to anyone).

It's a secret that he'll hold until she gives in to James. A secret, written in pencil, staying in the middle of a book so no one can find it.

Until the day James holds her hand, pulls her over to the sofa where his friends are and Sirius can lean over and say:

"_You know something, Evans? You're not so bad after all!" _

He admires her.

He admires who she is; the girl who fought for years against everyone else to keep a friendship alive. The girl who knows she is a target in this life, even more so with her scarlet rash of hair and jewels for eyes.

They're only her eyes once they've been polished and set and had a dragon breathed on them. Otherwise they would only be stones, coloured stones dug out from the ground.

(But that's what she is, really, mudblood, mudblood,_ mudblood_).

She hides behind her hair, but Sirius can still see her.

She puts her hand up in class, but only when she knows the answers.

She shows off her neck, her figure, her legs – but only when she knows someone will be watching.

Lily reminds Sirius of himself.

He hides behind his looks, but James can still see him.

He puts his hand up in class, but only when he wants to prove his worth to the teachers.

He shows off his bruises, his scars, his fear – but only when people think it's been caused by Slytherins.

(But that's who he should have been, with Bella and Cissy and Regulus. Away from all the mudbloods and blood traitors and good people who don't hide but stand brave and tall with the lion behind them).

Not hiding in the leaves with the snake.

And this is why Sirius puts up with it. James listens to Sirius when he talks about his family; James steals potions and learns spells to help with the bruises, the cuts. James stays up with Sirius when he can't sleep, afraid of what the night will bring.

James gives him something to look forward to.

James is the first person who looked past his surname and all the stigma associated with it, even though he's the person who would have heard the most. James has seen Sirius cry. Shout. Laugh. Lie. Frown.

And for all these reasons, Sirius puts up with it.

~#~

Author's note: So, yeah. This came about when my friend kept talking about TV shows I don't really care about, but I didn't have the heart to tell her. I will say, though, I didn't know what the end of this story was going to be, due to the fact I stopped writing and went to sleep halfway through, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't supposed to be like this. But I like it, and I'm the author, so...

Thanks to CoffeeAndCake (who knew?) who reviewed – my writing mood came back and I finished this, although I did have to keep telling the grammar check to ignore rules and accept fragmented sentences, hahaha!

Big thank you to everyone who read/reviewed/favourited my last story! If you want to make me happy, just type in a little comment? Pretty please? *Puppy dog eyes*


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